How to Tell an Employee They're Not Meeting Expectations (Without Making It Worse)

I don't like telling employees they're not doing a good job any more than I like being told that I am not doing well. Delivering this news is arguably the worst part of being a team leader. Eventually, the time will come when someone on your team isn't pulling their weight, and you will be faced with a choice. You can choose to ignore it, compensate for it, work around it, and accept the toll it will take on the broader team's morale, or you can opt to have the tough conversation.

Spoiler alert—the former always ends up being more damaging than the latter.

As an HR leader, I have coached plenty of fellow business leaders through these discussions. The first time I had to put one of my own direct reports on a Performance Improvement Plan (PIP), it was suddenly a much more difficult conversation for me to imagine having. The temptation to ignore it and hope it went away was very real.

Why? Because it feels so much more personal when it's your direct report.

Looking back, this was an exercise critical to my evolution as a leader. Having one of these conversations myself afforded me a deeper appreciation for how difficult it is. It made me a more compassionate HR partner to the managers I supported.

When someone on your team is not performing up to expectations, here are my recommendations for having this difficult, albeit necessary, conversation.

Give specific examples of missed expectations

The worst thing you can be in a performance conversation is vague, because this leaves room for assumptions. You should strive to get as specific as possible with what your team member did or did not do that failed to meet expectations. Almost obnoxiously specific. Dates, times, quotes — all helpful reference points to include.

"On Monday, 11/30, the sales figures you presented in our weekly review meeting were not accurate."

Speak in terms of 'worries'

The Brag, Worry, Wonder, Bet (BWWB) framework from Steve King is one of my favorite ways to structure feedback. When we worry about someone, it is because we care. And when we express that worry out loud, it is a gesture of caring. From the employee's perspective, hearing their boss is worried about something they've done is a much less threatening approach to feedback than a direct critique.

"On Monday, 11/30, the sales figures you presented in our weekly review were not accurate and I'm worried that this reflected poorly on our team's credibility."

Highlight the implications of their performance

In all likelihood, you're addressing something your team member is or is not doing because it has implications for other people, work, or results. But your team member may not have a full appreciation of those implications. Laying it out for them helps them understand why change is necessary and what's actually at stake.

"On Monday, 11/30, the sales figures you presented in our weekly review were not accurate and I'm worried that this reflected poorly on our team's credibility. This could negatively impact senior leadership's confidence in our team's effectiveness at a time when headcount is already being scrutinized."

Outline what 'meeting expectations' looks like

Sometimes employees don't have a clear picture of what good looks like. They understand that whatever they did or didn't do failed to meet your expectations, but have you told them what would have? Don't assume they know.

"Next time you present sales figures, my expectation is that everything will have been double or triple-checked in advance of the meeting so that all figures are reported accurately."

Confirm understanding—and then confirm again

The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place. Be sure that the employee can articulate a firm understanding of what they should be doing differently when similar situations present themselves in the future.

"What are some actions you think you could take differently next time to make sure everything is accurate?"

Acknowledge the psychology of the moment

The second an employee hears they're being put on a performance improvement plan, they will not fully hear anything else you say in that meeting. They just won't. It's an emotional conversation, and it's hard for any of us to think clearly when we're flooded with emotion. Have the conversation, but also have all of your examples and expectations outlined in a document that the employee can take with them to review when they're not overwhelmed.

Check in the next day

Set the expectation that you want to revisit the conversation with them the following day, once they've had time to process. It shouldn't be a re-hashing of the original conversation — it should give the employee a chance to ask clarifying questions once they've calmed down and can think more clearly.

Ask how you can best support them

Yes, it is their responsibility to remedy the situation, but you should be alongside them as their leader. It's in the best interest of everyone involved that your employee embraces the feedback and turns things around. The best managers coach their teams through moments like this—not just deliver the news and walk away.

"What do you need more or less of from me to be successful?"

What this conversation actually sounds like (putting it all together)

Here's how these steps look strung together in a real conversation:

"I want to talk about the sales figures you presented in our Monday meeting. I've noticed this has happened a few times recently, and I'm worried about the impact it's having on our team's credibility with leadership—especially right now when headcount is being scrutinized. Going forward, my expectation is that all figures are double or triple-checked before any meeting where you're presenting to the group. I want to make sure you have everything you need to do that consistently—what would be most helpful from me?"

Giving tough feedback is never fun. Sometimes there will be tears, and that's okay. After all, this is someone's career we're talking about.

Remember that your employee has exactly a 0% chance of improving if you never tell them that what they're doing is unacceptable. You owe it to them as their boss to increase those odds.

Sometimes the employee will improve, and other times they will not. If the situation escalates to the point where you need to conduct a formal investigation or take disciplinary action, here's a step-by-step guide to conducting workplace investigations that walks you through the process.

It won't always work out, but at least you will know you gave that person the very best chance to succeed.

A note for founders reading this: If you're a founder who found this post because you're the one having these conversations—because there's no one else to have them — that's one of the clearest signals that your company needs dedicated HR support. Here's how to know when your startup actually needs it, and what kind makes sense at your stage.

Ready to talk through whether fractional HR is the right fit for your company? Book a free consultation with me here.

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